Inspiring Hatred

I’ve never thought of myself as the kind of person capable of inspiring murderous hatred, but now I’ve come to a radical conclusion. The more I learn about the world, the less confident I become in the basic goodness of people. There are simply individuals so beyond the pale, that nothing rational scratches the surface of their worldview. That’s how ordinary, basically nice, respectable people find themselves at the receiving of vitriol and even violence.

Having been a painfully shy child and adolescent, I was never Miss Popularity. I always had friends—good friends—and my friends have always been drawn from multiple groups and perhaps that’s the key to my “popularity” as an object of irrational emotions. Having connections to different pockets of people gives my life the kind of variety that some lives lack.

The most recent incident has me flummoxed. I found out, in a round about manner, that an infrequent client “hates” me. She railed and raged about me to a mutual connection. Not once did she site a source of this anger. It wasn’t that I did a bad job for her, charged her too much, or didn’t respond as soon as possible to her instructions or requests. It seems that my life—my travels, my happiness in my home, my general chit chat on the phone in-between things—gave her the impression that my life is to be envied and from envy anger sprouts with just a little bit of nurturing.

Inspiring a shit fit is not the same as inspiring murder, but they are cousins occupying locations on the same continuum of emotional outbursts. I’ve been reading/rereading some of Ruth Rendell’s Inspector Wexford mysteries. Rendell—one of my mystery goddesses—wrote characters living in the darkest, most contorted psychological states. The murderer in ‘The Veiled One’ at first seems like just another individual lacking social graces and empathy. This person blends into the atmosphere of the unease existing beneath the ordinary surface of suburban life. What brings the character to murder? The same kind of jealousy and disconnection that leads to much smaller angry events every day.

Um… something to think about when I’m sharing when I think I’m just sharing a nice, benign little story about myself.

Is the act of sharing travel photos a provocation to a envious mind?


  1. -hugs- I can’t imagine you inspiring hatred in anyone, but you are living the life you want to live, and that may be enough to trigger a Malicious sort of envy. And yes, perhaps that is all it takes for some people to descend into hatred. I’d feel sorry for them if they, as an aggregate, didn’t cause so much pain and suffering.
    As much as you can, put it from you mind, and that client from your life. 🙁

    • Candy Korman

      For a few minutes after I heard the story, I considered how I present myself. Am I too happy? Do I “show off” when I talk about traveling? Should I gripe and complain about things that trouble me?

      No… I’m not too happy.
      I don’t think I’m showing off, but I can see how someone might interpret my travel stories that way.
      No… I don’t want to gripe more.

      When I share the bad stuff, it’s to people I trust. I’ve found that most clients enjoy hearing that I’m off to Barcelona, or Amsterdam, or… It’s the easy chatter between business topics. I also try to connect by sharing things we have in common. I talk about ART with the ART client. Points of commonality can be simple and I think it is a genuine way to be HUMAN and connect. Last night I was making dinner for a friend and had a late in the day call from a client. I told her what I was going to make —cod in a picatta sauce—and how I’d contemplate the writing assignment while chopping onions etc. She laughed and said that maybe a glass of wine would be inspiring too. I have to wonder… would a similar conversation have inspired jealousy in the angry client’s imagination? Maybe…

  2. Some people just suck. Period. I happen to think you’re pretty great and love your chitchat and elsewhere online about art, cats, etc. It’s what makes us connect as humans.

    • Candy Korman

      I’m blushing!
      Another client just said I had the fastest MOUSE in the West because I responded with a single tweak to her text that took it to the next level. That’s the kind of people I should work with/for. I think we can all handle give and take, arguing our points, etc. as long as the objective is to create something (in my case the text for their project) that is excellent. Tearing someone else down does not build you up. It’s just makes life nasty.